Parenting Stamina

The ability to sustain prolonged physical and mental effort while raising and supporting the physical, social and intellectual development of one or more children from birth to adulthood.

Whew!

There are many times that parenting is fun and easy, but it’s the difficult, nagging, messy times that exhaust us and try our patience.

How can we stay the course when we are cranky, over-tired and feel like we are on a rollercoaster of parenting craziness?

How do we build our parenting endurance for the hard messy times?

There are three main areas of focus that can help us build parenting stamina and grit…

• Parenting Mindset

• Coaching Behaviors

• Maintaining Health

Parenting Mindset

Sometimes changing our perspective on issues can help us approach parenting with more endurance and creativity.

Here are a few different ways to look at parenting mindset…

• “Plan for the worst, but hope for the best” mindset.

  • Example: Give 1-500 reminders. We all hope for giving one reminder, but by exaggerating it to 500, we prepare for the long haul or the worst case scenario. Most kids will only need a few to several reminders. It’s rare that a kid needs the full 500, but those kids do exist. I have met a few! How can you “prepare for the worst, but expect the best”?

• “Let it go” mindset.

  • Example: Don’t fall into a “parenting peer pressure” trap. Do what works for you and your family. No need to keep up with others’ calendar events, expectations or experiences. How can you “let it go”?

• “Life is short” mindset.

  • Example: Enjoy those luxury items you have that are not being used. Once in a while, it’s fun to indulge as adults but also as a family. Making things special builds family bonding. That relationship-building helps when it’s time to work on misbehaviors. Make some memories! It builds stamina for the tough times!

    • Use those fancy bath salts!

    • Open the champagne for dinner. (parents only!)

    • Break out the candles and eat dinner on the nice plates.

• “Just do it” mindset, and thank you, Nike, for this slogan.

  • Example: Don’t talk yourself out of following up with the kids or following through with a consequence. It’s a hassle to correct kids especially if you are in public or you are tired or annoyed. The consistency will pay off in the end. How can you stay engaged, stay strong and “just do it”?

• “Atmosphere adjustment” mindset.

  • Example: If you need a break and the kids are struggling, try changing your surroundings before things spiral downward. Add…

    • background music

    • head outside

    • tidy up the room

    • burn scented candles

• “Create a plan” mindset.

  • Example: Animals parent by instinct. People need a plan. Why? We don’t just roam, hunt, sleep and repeat. We need to teach our young…

    • how to behave in society

    • how to use technology

    • how to do homework

    • how to drive cars, pay rent and do laundry

    Create a parenting plan that includes any and all issues that you feel you need to cover in order to be on the same page as parents and as a family. It holds the family accountable and greatly reduces the 1-500 reminders discussed above.

Coaching Behaviors

The word discipline to me, sets families up for frustration. The vibe that the word gives off feels harsh, perfectionist and strict.

Do kids need discipline? Well, yes but if we change our mindset from “discipline” to “coaching behaviors” we gain a fresh perspective on how to mentor kids’ behaviors.

When athletes are learning or improving performance, the coaches mentor them in the best practices for achievement.

Yes, coaches may raise their voices, and yes they create high expectations, but they monitor progress or lack thereof, and strategize the next steps to help the athlete improve and reach their goals.

What are some ways to “coach behavior” that don’t deplete parents’ stamina and grit?

• Keep a sense of humor. If your kiddo is not getting your expectations, be creative with your 1-500 reminders by…

  • Switching the tone or volume of your voice

  • Sing your “nag”

  • Use exaggerated body language with no words. Look the kids in the eye and then dramatically point to the pile of dishes with shock and horror that they are not done.

  • Text your kid’s reminders or pictures of the pile of dishes and use gifs or emojis to add a little zing if needed.

  • Facial expressions with no words can go a long way as well. Give the “look”. If you need some practice, here are a few looks from the animal kingdom to help.

Lion Photo Cred: https://bigcatfacts.net/

• Give kids a heads up. Stopping an activity abruptly is annoying to people of all ages. If however, you say, in 5 minutes we need to clean up the toys, or we are leaving in 10 minutes, be ready to go when I call you, gives kids time to finish or wrap up what they are doing and prepare to move to another activity.

• Separate “quiet time breaks” are helpful if siblings are getting restless. This works well when you talk about it before you need it, otherwise, they will think it’s a punishment or nap. As a parent, it gives you time to re-group and rebuild some stamina for when the kids released from quiet time!

• Keep your parenting plan and resources handy. If you forget the specifics of a rule or a routine you have set, you can quickly check your parenting plan and take care of business. Remember that “flying by the seat of your pants” will come back to haunt you. Kids never forget and they will plead with you to lighten their consequences. Having a plan, sharing it with the kids and following it takes a lot of pressure off of parents. Everyone is on the same page and the kids know the consequences coming!

Maintaining Health

The overall health of kids and parents is very important. When people are not taking care of their health they feel sluggish and unmotivated.

This lowers parenting stamina whether the kids are sluggish and unmotivated or the parents are.

• Eat healthy 80% of the time and treat yourself 20% of the time. Maybe you prefer a 90/10 or a 70/30 system?

• Exercise. Fresh air. Play sports. Move that body and do it as a family. It can adjust the worst attitude!

• Check-in with people in your parenting network to get help or ideas for tough situations and added support.

• Prayer and meditation even if it is a 2-minute pause in your day can help reset your parenting focus!

• Sleep for all!

  • Nap with the little kids once in a while.

  • Keep a notepad and pen by the bed to take notes of worries that wake you up in the middle of the night. It helps you go back to sleep knowing you made a note of it.

  • Check these Midnight Parenting Tips for more ideas on getting sleep.

• Take a break!

  • Give the kids a Brain Break after school so you can check in on their folders and papers before starting homework.

  • Get a sitter and go out on the town!

  • Parents take turns with the kids so the other one can enjoy a hobby or meet up with friends.

• If your parenting and family struggles are too difficult to overcome, look into some therapy sessions.

  • Check-in with your family doctor for a referral.

  • Check-in with the Consumers Advocate website for tips for locating online help!

    Parenting stamina doesn’t just happen, you have to stick to a routine just like working out and building muscle.

    It requires a conscious effort every day to reach your goals as a strong parent.

    Which ideas here can help you build your parenting consistency and endurance?

    Some of these ideas may be great for you and others not really your cup of tea.

    That’s ok. No two people are the same.

    Pick what is the most effective and efficient stamina building plan for you and…just do it!

    If you found this article helpful, share it with other parents!

    If you need more parenting ideas, follow Noteworthy Parenting on Facebook and Instagram!

    Parenting is not about perfection.

    It’s about the POWER in your PLAN!

    Think it! Note it! Parent it!