How to Stop the Parenting Circle of Torture For Good
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Your kid asks a question of one parent.
They are looking for the answer they want and decide to seek out the other parent’s opinion if they don't get it.
The parents likely have different ideas of what is ok or not, but both feel double-crossed when the other overrules them.
This is how the circle of family torture begins.
Eliminate this circle of torture by getting on the same page, and here is how to do it.
Anticipate the stages your kids are in and what activities and questions they may start asking about.
Here are a few examples…
* Can I go to the movies with my friends and no parents?
* Can I stay out past my curfew for Homecoming?
* Can my friends come and spend the night tonight?
* Can I drive the car to the concert?
* Can I eat ice cream for breakfast?
You name it, and they will ask it!
We know we can not possibly cover every potential question. However, we can cover most by discussing some general rules and routines ahead of time.
* At what age can your kids go out with friends and no parents?
Is there a time parameter? 2 hours? all day?
Will it depend on where they go?
Can they go at night or just during the day?
* Will your kids have a curfew?
If so, at what time will it be set?
Will you adjust it as they get older, and what will those specifics be?
Will there be exceptions like dances, or will you stick to the set time?
* Are you ok with last-minute plans, or should kids ask for a date in the future?
* What will the rules and routines be around borrowing the car?
Will your kids pay for gas?
How many teens can ride in the car?
* Is ice cream on the breakfast menu at your house?
Is it an "absolutely never" or an "on your birthday, it is ok" kind of menu item? (Asking for a friend.)
What if you have not had the chance to get a plan in place and are not on the same page with a specific topic that comes up?
Here is a suggestion…
Agree, as parents, that when those moments arise, you can tell your kids...
"We have not had a chance to discuss this question and need a minute to talk about it. We will get back to you in a (fill in the amount of time here, a minute? a day? a week?).
Create your solutions, write them down so you remember them for the next time, and then share them with your kids!
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