Breakfast, Backpacks, and Jackets--Oh My!

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As parents, we go through so many "firsts" and "lasts" with our kids. Sometimes these stages are hard, and often these moments are even harder to let go of.

Working from home during the pandemic, as tricky as it was, afforded me a lot of things: more time to escape the rat race and collect my thoughts (which could be good or bad, depending on the news of the day), more time for writing, and best of all--quality time with my kids. We were lucky that they were at the perfect ages for this valuable time to be productive and even joyful—[insert collective eye roll here]. I know, and trust me, at the very beginning of the pandemic, I never thought I'd be able to describe our time at home in this way. Of course, we struggled like everyone else. But my kids were 11 and 7 when the Covid lockdowns began...right in that sweet spot when they still liked to hang out with their parents, be creative, play outside and try new things because mom and dad were still kinda cool. We played, built things, and used our imaginations. We created an atmosphere in our home where anything was possible. My hope was that the efforts my husband and I put into this would teach them a valuable lesson--that creating joy is possible, even during challenging times. And that you have the power right within yourself to do so. Sidenote: I felt so strongly about this concept that I published a children's book about it!

As time has passed, I've noticed micro-changes, especially in my oldest daughter, who is now 13. 13!! The changes I'm seeing are par for the course at this age. She spends more time in her bedroom--reading, talking to friends on the phone and doing her homework. She loves to rearrange her room, which has become a sanctuary from the struggles of middle school. 

As we all know, and most have experienced on some level, middle school can be THE WORST. It's an exciting time of self-realization and independence, but also a time of wrestling with where we fit in. All of this brings about ebbs and flows, frustration, and self-doubt. As a parent, you just want to fix it for them, but you know you can't. Your job is to listen, offer support, and sometimes the toughest part is holding yourself back from trying to save them. Of course, you want to, but deep down, you know that's not what's best for them. 

This concept of "letting go" feels like a battle against yourself. It takes a LOT of practice, and I'll admit this is difficult for me.

I've always liked to make breakfast for my kids. It's not a full-on "pancakes and bacon affair" every day, but even just cereal in a bowl, toast, or a cup of fruit. I enjoy it. Two years ago, I was doing it almost 100% of the time, along with packing their lunch, their backpacks, and even handing them their coats on their way out the door. Cringe. Yep...I did all that...WHY? They were (are) perfectly capable of doing all of it themselves. Did I need to be "Super Mom?" Possibly.  

At some point over the past couple of years, a light bulb figuratively slapped me in the face. Was my need for being "Super Mom" affecting their ability to learn to do things for themselves? Taken a step further, was that "need" of mine negatively impacting their self-confidence? Holy *#!^! MAYBE!

That "maybe" was reason enough to reevaluate and put "letting go" into a more daily routine. I'll admit, I still do some of these things for my kids occasionally. But, my 13-year-old forgot to make time for breakfast one day recently. I didn't intervene (which was hard!), and she hasn't done it since. She learned. She forgot her iPad one day, and that one time was the last (for now). She grew.  She refused to wear her coat when it was -2 degrees. As we returned to our car, she looked at me and said, "Yep, I should've worn my coat." I simply said, "Live and learn!" They grow, they learn, but most importantly, they develop trust in themselves the more we let go.

Live and learn, mom, and then let go.

Author Bio:

Karri Theis is a freelance writer/author who lives in Minnesota with her husband, two daughters, and mini Goldendoodle. In 2020, she decided to put her sales career on hold to navigate distance learning. She also used this time to chronicle her family's valuable time at home and to fulfill a 20-year dream of publishing a children's picture book. "Little Miss Jean and the Time Machine" is now available anywhere books are sold. You can connect with Karri on Instagram @karrichronicles or by clicking here!

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